Divorce Proofing your Marriage.
Have you ever wondered if it’s possible to keep your marriage or any marriage safe from divorce? Maybe it’s something you have never thought possible, or maybe it feels like it’s at your front door. While it’s impossible to have complete control over someone else in the relationship, there are a few things you can do to strengthen your marriage. Here are a few things you can do no matter where you are in your current circumstances:
The number one rule to follow is open and honest communication. This means that you need to express what you’re feeling and what you need and to ask your partner the same. You need to regularly check in with each other daily or at least weekly with each other, and even if it would upset the other person, tell them the truth about how you’re feeling and what you need in the relationship.
Many couples begin to slowly drift through the night like ships passing by each other. If you nurture the relationship with shared activities, kindness, using the proper “love language" of your spouse, and make sure to show affection often.
If you’re having trouble with applying any of these tools, reach out for professional help. A marriage therapist can help teach communication skills, get past former hurts, rebuild trust, and more.
Showing the mutual respect that you would want to be treated with, despite not receiving it enough or first from your spouse. Avoid what John Gottman describes as the 4 Horsemen: Contempt, Criticism, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. Stonewalling is when someone refuses to speak about issues troubling them and shuts down the conversation in silence.
This leads to the fifth piece of advice, and that’s to cultivate a relationship of forgiveness. This means forgiving yourself as well as forgiving wrongs done to you. You know you have forgiven someone fully when you are no longer angry with them, and you no longer want them to have some type of retribution or justice for their wrongs. This does not mean that you have to continue to accept harmful behaviors, you need to have healthy boundaries and self-respect. You can forgive someone and say what they are doing needs to change.
I hope these have been helpful, and if you think you need more insight, please investigate books like Making Love Last by Laura Taggart.