Surviving Divorce

Are you thinking, “how could this happen to me?” Where did things start to unravel? How can I survive divorce? Know that it is possible, and you are not alone. It is possible to become even stronger and more resilient as you are sharpened through this painful process. Use the following points as springboards to start further growth and self-care.

Have you ever thought that self-care was for other people? Or maybe you are unsure how to go about taking care of yourself in new or better ways. Being able to tell yourself what your needs are is the best place to start, as taking care of yourself during or shortly after divorce is the number one priority. Name to yourself what your physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, and relational needs are. Some examples might be exercise, sleep, eating well, prayer, church, spending time with friends or family, things that you find fun and life giving. Pursue hobbies and do so with friends or by yourself, develop new hobbies even if you doubt whether you’d like them.

You really cannot do this alone; you will need to seek support. This might be hard for some people; it can be hard to talk about or admit loss of the relationship. But know that once you do speak to people for support, it will help alleviate some of the burden. There are divorce care groups at local churches, books on this, forums online, and friends or family.

Allow yourself to grieve. If you push it down, away, or stay in shock you will not heal. It’s normal to experience a range of emotions, from grief to anger, sadness, or even relief. Try not to judge what you feel or what others feel but allow it to wash over you like a wave and then resend it back when it is done. If you are unable to take care of yourself then seek counseling support from a professional in your area.

Practice forgiveness and future-thinking. Forgiveness to yourself if there is any self-blame, and forgiveness to the other. Whether you filed for divorce, or it was filed against your wishes, there is power in forgiveness. But we need to recognize that it is not a one and done event but a process and one that you do not want to rush into until you have allowed yourself to properly grieve. Think of what you want your future to look like. Sometimes being too focused on what has been lost or cycling through the past will cause you more frustration or grief than you need.

If you feel you are in any danger, always call your local crisis hotline for help, seek legal advice during divorces to know your rights, and reach out to help from professional counselors if needed.