Tips for Raising Emotionally Healthy Children

2016-08-13 01:09:24 Makenna Clements

Whether they belong to us, a family member, or the couple down the street, children (and their often shocking displays of emotions) are a part of life. We’ve all seen it: the meltdowns, the giggle-fits, the sassy verbal exchanges, all serving as evidence of the fact that just like us, children are emotional creatures. And just like we did, children must learn how to regulate their emotions in a productive way (partially for the sake of our sanity- it’s ok, you can say it). Though this may seem a daunting concept, it in many ways can be quite simple. Allow me the chance to pass on a couple of practical ways we can point the children in our families and communities towards emotional maturity:

It starts by naming the emotion, and the reason behind it. Often, children become flooded by a situation, finding themselves overwhelmed by an emotion with no idea what to do with it. The emotion has to be released somehow (cue the tantrums, the angry outbursts, the hysterical crying). In most cases, the best thing we can do is allow them the space to identify what it is they’re feeling. Asking them to name it out loud not only helps them to feel heard and validated, thus minimizing the sense of voicelessness or frustration, but also triggers actual changes in the brain, serving to diminish the intensity of the emotion. I would suggest avoiding the tendency to tell children how they are feeling, an assumption which can be just as triggering for the child as what it is they are emotionally reacting to in the first place. Instead, phrase it as a question. Some that have worked for me are:

• “What is it you’re feeling right now?”

• “I can imagine you might be feeling…?”

• “I wonder if perhaps you feel…?”

And then, we validate. Especially if the emotion is negative, acknowledging the child’s emotion and expressing understanding for why it is they feel that way can de-escalate a situation, as the child feels safe, heard, and understood. This, of course, comes with the caveat that acknowledging the emotion does not necessarily mean condoning the inappropriate behavior that is often associated. Throwing a tantrum when we do not get out way is not and will never be ok, and there is a place for correction and modeling more appropriate behaviors.

Couples, Parenting, Children and Teens, Mental Health, Adoption, First Time Parents, Anxiety