The Positive Effects of Avoiding Criticism

2019-10-09 00:00:00 Alan Godfrey

When you’re working with a teammate and they show you their work, and you tell them:

That’s no good

That’s not what that is supposed to look like

Have you ever seen this done right?

The likely affect will be either anger, shame, and they will pull away from you. This type of criticism often gets the name “constructive criticism” but in reality is just punitive language that doesn’t help.

When you leave out criticism and replace it with positive affirmations, gratitude, and requests your entire relationship with the other person will change. Sometimes we are too critical on ourselves, and need to find out where that voice comes from or is there another way to motivate ourselves? When we criticize a spouse we create distance, not connection. When we give admiration for what they are doing well, it helps them get through the difficulties of their day and feel more like you’re on their team. If things do need to change, you can make requests or set healthy boundaries. I generally like the term “turn complaints [or criticism] into requests.” There is already enough belittling judgement out in the world and from within ourselves, we don’t need to add any more. Let’s help those around us be more productive and more connected by avoiding critical language. You may need to take a breath before speaking, use an “I-statement,” or ask yourself “will this help or hurt.” These tools will start to rewrite your conversations.

Addiction, Marriage, Communication, Boundaries