Teen Girls and Body Image
Teenage girls face a lot of scrutiny regarding their looks in our society. This can stem from peers, family perspectives, their sports environments, and it can also be connected to their online world through social media and other platforms. These pressures can also impact adolescent males, however this post will speak solely to the experiences of adolescent females given that this demographic is most affected by these expectations.
The pressure to conform to societal standards can cause teen girls to hyper-focus on how their face, hair, and bodies look. Often these expectations are unrealistic, untrue, or physically impossible for our girls, but the pressure remains nonetheless. While this can understandably be impactful to their mental health and self-image, it can also lead to greater issues such as eating disorders, which have both a physical and a mental impact.
Unfortunately, the main pressure that these girls are under is to be thinner. Adolescent girls’ bodies are going through an exorbitant amount of change due to puberty, which is entirely outside of their control, which makes this a very delicate age to be told what their body should or should not look like. How we speak to adolescent girls, and even how we speak about our own bodies around our girls, can have a huge impact on how they view themselves. Having a household that is neutral or positive towards bodies and food can be a strong first step.
To be body positive, we appreciate bodies in all forms and do not use negative words to discuss how bodies look, which includes limiting negative talk about ourselves or what we see on tv. With body neutrality, we focus on what bodies can do, such as strong legs to run in sports or a healthy heart to keep us alive, versus only focusing on bodies as an object to be seen and perfected on the outside. It’s healthy for our girls to know that all bodies are good and all bodies deserve appreciation for what they allow us to do, especially as they change and grow.
This mindset also extends to food and how we discuss it in our homes. Food is not good or bad, it does not have inherent morality, which allows us to be neutral towards it as well. All foods are unhealthy at extreme levels; eating only broccoli or only candy will deplete our bodies of nutrients, which leads us to eating intuitively and mindfully. Steps towards this involve helping our kids listen to hunger and fullness cues, eating a variety of foods to fuel their bodies, while not villainizing any one type of food. It may seem small, but these steps can have a huge impact on how our girls view themselves for a lifetime.
What to Look for in Your Teen
Being a teenage girl is inherently a roller coaster ride. There is so much change and emotions throughout the weeks that it can be hard to differentiate what is normal teenage behavior and what is cause for concern. In regards to body image and eating, here are some things to look out for as flags that something deeper may be going on:
Only dressing in baggy clothes: this is stylish at present, but if it is all your child wears around the clock, and never leggings/shorts/tank tops there may be something going on with body image or body changes
Not eating enough throughout the day: it can be normal that some kids do not eat breakfast, or do not eat much while at school, but if your child is not making up for these losses elsewhere with their food intake (large afternoon snack, snacking after dinner), this could be a concern
Only eating what’s considered “healthy food” and never allowing fun food (ice cream, a burger, etc)
Showing new behaviors in regards to how they view themselves: excessive time in front of the mirror (not just with makeup or skin care), pinching their body to see if it’s skinny enough, perpetually expressing their dislike for their looks
Being unable to stop eating at certain times and feeling out of control with food: sometimes a restrictive eating mindset can trigger binging behaviors
A new extreme workout routine, especially if it does not match the amount of food that they are taking in or their previous exercise habits
New signs of anxiety and depression, which can include anger
Changes to sleep, focus, or school performance
Isolation from friends and family, especially at times when they would be seen in person
Not engaging with environments that involve less clothing, such as the pool or beach
This is not an exhaustive list, nor is it a list of things that fully delineate if your child is struggling in a certain way. The main aspect that I’d recommend looking at is if your child is showing rigidity and some of these signs to extreme lengths. This could be only eating healthy food, only wearing baggy clothes, never putting on a swimsuit, never eating dinner with the family, or forcing themselves to exercise through sickness or injury. It is in these extremes that teens who struggle with body image or an eating disorder live, and it can be wise to get your child support through a mental health professional even if you’re not sure it’s “that bad.” What I’ve learned through my career working with teen girls is that there is often more going on under the surface, and there is no such thing as getting help too soon. Your child may be able to get support before their challenges worsen and adversely affect their physical health.
How to Help
When our teens are struggling with how they look, it can be a challenge to know how to support them. Often, what you see is a beautiful young woman, but their self view may be altered or distorted. How we discuss bodies, food, and feelings about our girls can have a huge impact on their mental health in this arena. Ways to help include:
Making meals and eating normal: eating together, eating the same thing when feasible, having a variety of foods available (healthy food, fun food, etc)
Not restricting our own diet when possible: not eating “diet” food to lose weight, not modeling the restriction of sugar/carbs, seeing and talking about food as fuel and necessary for all bodies
Modeling healthy views of clothing: making a habit to buy/wear clothes that fit us as opposed to changing our bodies to fit our clothes, encouraging teens to buy clothes that feel good versus leaning into the anxiety over the size
Lessen communication around bodies altogether: this includes what we say about people around us, in media, and how we speak to ourselves,
Communicate: discuss things as they pop up, such as anxiety over an outfit in the morning or challenges with new clothes in changing rooms. Sometimes these will happen after the fact due to timing/location/etc
Be curious about their insecurities: Ask “what makes you feel this way?” or “what do you mean by …” as opposed to giving an opinion of “I think you’re skinny/pretty” or a critique of “why do you think like this?” Validating our teens that they are beautiful is a wonderful way to express positivity into their lives, but when we are working on being curious and encouraging them to open up more, it can feel like we’re trying to argue with them instead of listening.
Ask them what they need: they may want therapy or a leader/mentor in their life to talk to, they may want a change to their sport/activity if it’s particularly triggering (swim, ballet), or they may want to engage in something new that’s a positive outlet
Encourage other aspects of who they are: verbally praise their athleticism, artistic abilities, kindness, leadership skills, etc and potentially get them engaged in sports/activities that lean into these strengths.
Our girls are so much more than how they look, but at times it can be challenging for them to see that. We as parents and safe adults can work towards curiosity, communication, food/body neutrality, positive outlets, and being steady supports for them while they navigate growing up in challenging societal norms.