Listening in Divisive Conversations
We’re headed into a year that is almost guaranteed to bring political division as we head into an election cycle. Regardless of our own beliefs and stances, we will likely encounter alternate views at work, school, online, and with family. Sometimes these conversations come up when we don’t anticipate it and we can feel trapped. First and foremost, we can grant ourselves the option to gracefully step out of those conversations if it is not the best time to be in them. We can guard our mental state, energy, and time and be good stewards of where and how we spend them. However, if it is a conversation that we feel compelled to step into, here are some ways that we can do this as respectfully and composed as possible.
When we initially hear someone make a point that we may disagree with, we can start to take a deep breath and ground ourselves. Grounding can look like recognizing that this one conversation will not make or break someone’s viewpoint, nothing politically is actually being decided right now, and that we can breathe and calm down to hear more about where they are coming from.
After that, we can be curious about their views and beliefs. This can look like asking follow up questions, which can sometimes give us the time to do the above grounding strategies. These follow up questions may look like:
“What do you mean by ….?”
“What makes you passionate about ….?”
“What led you to feel …. about this?”
“How does …. impact you?”
With these questions, our tone and audience can mean everything. A genuine curious question can be taken in different ways, so feel free to use wisdom when asking them. After this, we get to listen. Sometimes this can be through active listening, which is a form of listening and rewording someone’s point to see if you understand their thoughts correctly. After this, we can validate their passion or concern by recognizing their views and try to find common ground:
“It sounds like …. means a lot to you because you care a lot about kids, that’s something I care a lot about as well.”
“I can see how passionate you are about …. and that this is a big area of concern for you.”
Sometimes active listening and reflecting can feel like agreeing, but in fact all we’re agreeing with is that the topic is important to them and we can validate the intensity that holds for them. We can recognize that perhaps a strong view on punishment can be a seeking of justice, even if we don’t align with how that person wants that justice served. Sometimes listening, making that person feel heard and understood, and validating how challenging it is for them can be an initial bridge to further respectful conversations.