Let's Talk About Sex: Building Sexual Intimacy as Newlyweds
2016-04-09 06:35:14 Mackenzie Sodestrom
In preparation for our Sexpectations conference coming up this month, our April blogs will be focused around different stages and phases of healthy sexuality.
Sex is an important part of expressing and maintaining intimacy in marriage. And like other aspects of marriage, building a healthy sexual relationship takes time, intentionality, and communication. There seems to be a myth that when the time is right, cultivating a satisfying sex life will come easily, naturally, and without much effort. In reality, however, many couples find themselves unprepared for and dissatisfied with their sex life, afraid or embarrassed to get the help they need. With some willingness to explore together, however, couples can discover a more joyful and more intimate love life. Here's some tips to start building a healthier sex life as you begin married life:
1. Educate Yourself. Whether you are a sexual novice or a veteran, most of us enter marriage with misinformation around sex. We often receive twisted information from our families, movies, pornography, school, and even from church. Whether or not we are aware of it, this misinformation contributes to our expectations for our own sex life. Having correct information can set you up for success. Grab some books by experts and educate yourself on physiology, connection, common problems, and even exercises to try to further your pleasure and enjoyment.
2. Communicate. Your partner is not a mind reader. Unspoken expectations typically lead to unspoken disappointments. Keep the communication lines open as you together discover what feels best for each of you. Maintain grace and gentleness in these conversations, affirming what is enjoyable and offering suggestions kindly.
3. Practice. No one hits a home run at their first t-ball practice, or plays a Mozart piece the first time they sit down at the piano. Great skills requires practice, and sex is no different. Have fun practicing together, knowing that some days will be better than others, and that your intentionality will pay off.
4. Commit to intimacy and connection. Overall, remember that sex is more than physical pleasure (though that's an important part!). Sex is a gift of intimacy and connection. As you learn, communicate, and practice, remember that sex is for connecting, play, fun, and intimacy with your partner.
5. Get help when you need it. There is no shame in getting help when sexual issues are causing distress in your marriage. Schedule an appointment with your doctor for a physical check up. Talk to your therapist about your concerns. You are not alone -- help is available!
For more tools to build a healthy and satisfying sex life, check out these resources:
Sexual Recovery, Couples, Women, Men, Mental Health, Marriage