Cyber Bullying
2016-11-04 14:27:08 Danielle Fitch
When you hear the term bullying your first thought may be something like kids pushing each other on a playground, or some teenagers yelling and calling each other names in the hallways of school; unfortunately it’s not that simple anymore.
Bullying is not a new subject, it may look and sound different with each generation, but nevertheless it still exists. With the increase in technology and especially with the emergence of social media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter to name the big three) there is now a whole new category of bullying called “cyber bullying”. Cyber bullying refers to the deliberate harassing of someone via technology; for example sending threatening texts or messages online, posting hurtful comments on someone’s pictures, or going as far as posting inappropriate pictures of someone without their permission with the intention of humiliating them. Facebook is the number one place this occurs according to a recent study done by the cyberbully research center, and then number one state in the country that the most cyberbullying occurs in? California.
This rise in bullying via technology has forced many of us in the counseling fields to be very aware of the world of social media and how and why this epidemic keeps spreading. We see first hand with many of our teen and adolescent clients how much of an impact this issue is having on them, things like depression and anxiety are being reported in great numbers among clients ranging in age from 11-17, most of whom have reported either being the victim or taken part in some form of online bullying, and those who don’t fit into either of those categories have witnessed it among their friends. I began asking a few girls and guys within that age range to tell me their viewpoint of why cyber bullying has become the “go to” solution among their peers, and their insights were enlightening. Several of the older girls shared that it is no longer acceptable to deal with someone you are having an issue with face to face, their peers would consider that too aggressive and you would be labeled a word I don’t feel repeating here. So instead the socially acceptable thing is to passively aggressively make comments about them on their Instagram or Facebook page; one high schooler even quoted “we no longer value having conversations and learning how to deal with conflict but instead use the cowards way out and talk bad about them for the world to see”. Another junior high student shared that it’s simply easier and so much more accessible to talk about someone online because its like having a place to get out your frustrations, jealousy, hurt without having to face that person. Sitting behind their phone or computer screen gives them a false sense of security into saying anything they want.
Are we teaching our kids how to responsibly use technology? Are we modeling for them how to deal with conflict in person and respectfully without resorting to passive aggressive bullying and using anonymity to hide behind?
Having the hard questions with your adolescent and teen about how to deal with conflict and having the courage to do it face to face is only part of the solution, unfortunately social media and technology is not going anywhere, so maybe our conversations about how we use it, and having conversations about how to deal with things offline is the change that needs to happen. A video I would recommend checking out is a TED talk by Monica Lewinsky, that’s right, probably haven’t heard that name in a while, but I’ll tell you, her talk entitled “The price of shame” is a great window in to this very subject.