Conflict in Young Marriages
2016-10-07 20:22:08 Danielle Fitch
Conflict is part of life, how we handle it is another story. The first place we learn about conflict is in the home, ask yourself “How was conflict handled in my home growing up?” was conflict a constant in your house? Was it non-existent? Were you able to see resolution after? Chances are the answer will reveal how you view and deal with conflict in your own life today. Conflict is not something to be feared when you have the skills to handle it correctly; so if this is true, why are we so scared of it in our marriage?
I was recently asked what was one of the biggest issues for young married couples, and in my observation, it is not knowing how to fight; and the absence of the fighting doesn’t necessarily equal a healthy marriage. Each of us come into a relationship with “emotional habits”, we sometimes don’t’ even realize them until we come face to face with our partners own emotional habits, that often are in complete contrast to our own. Some of us fear conflict and avoid it, shut down, pretend everything is fine; others will find themselves enraged by the conflict and scream and yell trying to get their partner to see it their way. Wherever we land on that spectrum it has the potential to either pull apart, or strengthen a couple.
If we began to see conflict as a potential to grow together and work through to a resolution it doesn’t have to be scary! One of the most important things to remember is first and foremost, “respond don’t react”, reacting is a quick response usually out of emotion with no thought process behind it; responding is taking the time take a breath, hear the other person and formulate a response- when we react all reason goes out the window and it becomes harder to separate our emotions from the facts- those few seconds can make a difference in how the conflict is handled.
If you are curious about your different love style and how your family of origin plays a part in how you handle conflict in your relationship, I suggest checking out Milan and Kay Yerkovich’s website “How We Love”, learning and understanding your own emotional habits can be a benefit for you and your partner in dealing with conflict.
Couples, Parenting, Women, Men, Mental Health, Marriage