Bittersweet Holidays
December has rolled around yet again, and with it comes the holidays. Oftentimes, when we think of Christmas, we think of decorations, family, and warm memories as a child or with our children. It’s a time when we connect to our faith or our traditions with those that we love. Unfortunately, not all these memories are happy, not all these families are safe, and so often we are living with the pain of that reality as well. Christmas can be a time of joy, but it can also be a time of grief over what we have lost or what we do not have. Perhaps it’s missing a parent who has passed or longing for a child and struggling when you see others living the life that you yearn for and miss.
Sometimes holding the juxtaposition of these two realities can be a challenge. We can get swept up in trying to fake it and appear happy and put together, or we can isolate and pull away from those we love out of self-preservation. Both states can be exhausting and keep us from the genuine connection that we are longing for in our sorrow. Sometimes, having even one or two close people in our lives who know what we are experiencing as we go through this season can make a world of difference. We all need to be known, seen, loved, and cared for as we navigate the many sorrows in life. Finding joy and comfort in our sadness may seem challenging, but sometimes it can start with small steps.
What would bring more connection to your life? Perhaps it is attending a Christmas event, a work party, or another occasion that would allow you to be around others. Maybe it is saying yes to an invitation to Christmas Eve church with a friend, or to their house for dinner afterwards. In addition to connection, what would bring more joy? Do you have a favorite Christmas movie, a new cookie recipe to try, or a good book to read by the fire? While none of these things bring back the ones we lost or the things we yearn for, it can allow us to find small moments of being present in our lives, gain control over our circumstances, and engage in activities that bring us peace. Old traditions may not be feasible, but we can build new traditions into our lives with new friends and find a way forward towards enjoying pieces of the holiday season again.