I’ve been in a transition season, which means I’ve been saying a lot of “goodbye” and “see you later” to many people in my life. As I navigate these closing moments, I’m reminded of two things: first, goodbyes are hard (and we don’t like them), and second, good goodbyes are very important. Sometimes we are tempted to cut and run, avoiding the emotions that come with saying goodbye. Sometimes we stay in denial about the impending goodbye and stuff our feelings.
I’m finding that healthy goodbyes come in waves. Some days are joyful, some days are painful, some days it’s a mixture of both, and some days we don’t feel anything at all. When we say goodbye to people we love and are important to us, the goodbye may contain a mixture of anticipation and joy for one person, and grief and loss for the other. Both can be valid. This means holding complicated and sometimes opposing feelings simultaneously. Goodbyes can be fully of bittersweet, happy and sad, joy and grief. These feelings can be difficult to feel at the same time, often one feeling may feel louder than the other or we are tempted to drown one out because the other is more comfortable to feel. It can be important to talk through what feelings come up at different stages of the goodbye. We often stuff our feelings until we arrive at the “I’m so happy for you!” stage, but we neglect voicing the other feelings that surface along the way.
As I say goodbyes, I’m finding that healthy goodbyes often include honoring and voicing what that person means to you. Too often we wait until it is too late to share with others what they mean to us, how they have changed our lives, what we appreciate in them, and speaking life into them. The beauty of goodbye and see you later is that it provides a natural opportunity to reflect, to honor the relationship, and to name the ways in which you care for and have been impacted by that person. The willingness to be vulnerable in this way can feel scary, and it can be very impactful.
After a few weeks of intentional & reflective goodbyes, I find myself feeling all the more grateful for the blessings of relationships. We are wired for community, we need each other. I am profoundly grateful that there are many connections in life that make goodbyes difficult. And I’m reminded that these connections are so are worth doing the hard work of a good goodbye.