In my book, Making Love Last, I talk about 8 things couples need to learn to let go of if they are to have a vitally intimate relationship. One of those is resentment. Oftentimes couples find it hard to move toward a more intimate relationship because one or both of them are harboring...
I’ve been in a transition season, which means I’ve been saying a lot of “goodbye” and “see you later” to many people in my life. As I navigate these closing moments, I’m reminded of two things: first, goodbyes are hard (and we don’t like them), and...
When the schedule gets busy, it can be hard to find time for self-care. Self-care is important for our mental and physical health. It can even help in being productive in other areas of life. To some, the words self-care conjures up a bunch of people at the nail salon but there are...
Quick question for those of you raising an adolescent or teenager: Have you ever noticed your teen making good decisions and being mature one minute, then acting irrational, emotional and immature the next? I’m guessing most of you were nodding your head “yes” as you read this...
Last week’s blog focused on the frustrating dynamic of Karpman’s Drama Triangle - the dance between the victim, persecutor, and rescuer. It’s a dance we may be all too familiar with and one that can happen subtly. But once we recognize it, how do we step out of it? Like I...
Ever reflect back on an argument with a loved one and wonder what the heck you were actually arguing about? Somewhere the conversation must have derailed. In any conversation there are two important elements at play -- the actual content of the conversation and the emotional subtext below the...
Marital research guru John Gottman is the author of the popular book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. As the title suggests, Gottman identifies principles that healthy marriages embody. One of those principles is the idea of turning toward rather than turning away from your...
Ever feel stuck and frustrated in a situation you want to change, but nothing seems to work? Sometimes this happens when we know the things we are “supposed” to do for self-care, mental health, or to find healing, but repeatedly find ourselves not doing those things. We suffer with...
Our language is important in how we conceptualize our life, our identity, our struggles, and our successes. Often we can join ourselves with our struggles in our language, enveloping those issues into our identity. This happens subtly, like saying “I am depressed” versus...
When we feel emotionally overwhelmed, we often will leave our window of tolerance, which is the place where we can comfortably cope with emotions and situations that come our way. When we operate outside of our window of tolerance, we may be hyperaroused (flooded, over activated & anxious)...
